Apologies for the wasteland!

Hey all you sexy, sexy readers, just a quick public service announcement. My PC has been in the repair shop these past few weeks hence the lack of posts as my laptop is too slow to do any real work with, without it being an absolute pain in the arse. Normal service shall resume in the next couple of weeks or so, thank you for your patience and once again I apologise for the break in content. You will shortly be able to bask in my magnificence once more.

Zak  

I Want To Eat Zombies and Things: A Video-game Themed Pancake Day Feast!

So today I have had zero pancakes. Call me treacherous scum, call me insane, call me what you like, all I can do is apologise and offer my broken soul to The Blood God. Yet if that doesn't satisfy you, here is a hastily written Pancake Day themed blog post, I present to you:

The Top 5 Videogame Characters Who Would Make Tasty Pancake Fillings!

1. Kirby

Now immediately when thinking of which characters I would include in this list, Kirby stood out. Including Kirby is somewhat of a cheat, but bear with me. Kirby is loveable, a great fighter and doesn't look very appetising, so why stuff Kirby into a pancake? Simple: one of Kirby's powers is to inhale and absorb his enemies thus stealing their powers. If Kirby inhales a knight for example, he gains a sword. Therefore it would make sense that should you stuff a lemon in Kirby's mouth, Kirby will become a citrus delight for your pancakes. The same goes for any flavour you like for your pancakes, just shove the ingredients into Kirby's maw, give him a shake over the pancakes and enjoy. Is Kirby being able to become essentially any flavour a cheat or a great idea? If you already have the ingredients to shove into Kirby's mouth, why not simply put them on the pancakes rather than forcing Kirby to regurgitate Nutella? The decision I leave to you dear readers.

2. Scrooge McDuck

A pancake classic is duck and hoisin sauce. This Pancake Day, why not head over to Disneyland, grab the first person in a Scrooge McDuck costume and proceed to fry them in a pan with some plums?* Scrooge is a very wealthy duck, so it stands to reason that he will have had a relaxed lifestyle so his meat should be tender and delicious. However should he prove to be too old a duck for your ageist tastebuds, there are also his younger grandnephews to chomp on; Huey, Dewey and Louie. 

*Note, please for the love of God don't do this, people in Disney costumes taste awful, be sure to remove the costumes before cooking.

3. The Clickers

As Matt Lees of ex-Videogamer fame proved here, the Clickers from The Last of Us make an excellent mushroom substitute should you be able to, you know, avoid their deadly bites and hack them to pieces before any more infected show up on the scene. I've never had mushrooms in my pancakes, but I'm sure if you cooked them up with some sausages and maybe some bacon it would be a pretty good combination. Whilst yes, finding the ingredients for this recipe is marginally more dangerous than a trip to your local Tesco, you will have created a potentially awesome and original pancake at the end of it. Worth the effort? Hell yes.

4. Epona

Last year we had the horse-meat scandal here in the UK, and it turned out that a lot of our favourite burgers, sausages and so on contained a considerable amount of horse. I really like sausages with apple sauce in my pancakes, so it's more than likely that at least one of those sausages were made of premium-grade horse. The thing that troubles me is that I didn't notice a thing. I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference between a regular pork sausage and a horse one. As such, horse-meat may actually be pretty decent. Maybe, when roaming the wilds, instead of focusing on wild boar and cattle to hunt, we should be focusing on horse too. This is why I say that Epona, perhaps the most noteworthy of video-game horses, might make a decent sausage to slip into your pancake. If your back garden doesn't happen to lead out into the Hyrule Fields however, other videogame horses such as Agro, or Rapidash will suffice.

5. Tropius

Okay I'll admit I was running out of ideas here. It was late so I searched 'fruit pokemon' in Google and this is what came up. Apparently, Tropius is a Pokemon that grows bananas as a beard, so yeah, give it a shave or something, cook up the beard bananas with some sugar to get it all nice and caramelised and serve it up with some pancakes. Then go deal with your neighbours who will be complaining about the six-foot, flying Pokemon in your back garden. That, and a decomposing horse, an infected zombie-like creature, a family of talking ducks and a pink blob that: in between asking for a mercy killing, it spews maple syrup from its mouth. You awful human being.

(Disclaimer, all pictures and/or videos used here are not my own, they are courtesy of in top to bottom order: SuperLakitu, The Disney Wiki, VideoGamer TV, gameswallpaperhd, Zeldapedia, and IGN, not that any of those people will actually see this blog but yeah, please don't sue me)